Saying Hello - How to Know

Every once in awhile in a sermon or in one of those touchie-feelie seminars on interpersonal relations that we've all had to sit through at work (work?) you'll hear some version of the following topic brought up.

"You know, when people ask us how we're doing we've all gotten in the habit of just saying something like 'fine' or 'okay' or 'not bad'. But we all know that there are times when we don't feel fine or okay or not bad. There are times when we feel like we have the weight of the world on our shoulders. But, we just put on our masks with the painted on smiles and go about our business as if nothing is wrong. Wouldn't it be great if we had the kind of relationship with our friends that allowed us to share our hurts with them when things are not going well?"

Now, I don't know about you, but when I ask someone "How's it going?" I expect the response to be fine or okay or not bad. Except in rare instances where a close blood relative needs to confide in me in order to avoid death, permanent disability, or a long prison sentence, I don't typically want to hear about someone else's bad day. Wouldn't it be nice if instead of having to go through a bunch of fake pleasantries we could just tell in advance whether or not to even say hello to a person? What if there was some type of code that would clue us in about another person's desire to be greeted. Well, good news - I think I've cracked just such a code and I'm going to let you in on it.

Being that I have a lot of spare time on my hands I have gotten into the habit of walking almost every day. It's great exercise and it's allowed me to lose about fifteen pounds. I walk about 3.5 miles a day. My plan is that as soon as I lose 25 more pounds I'll start running again like I used to do when I was younger. I expect that I will probably never run again for the rest of my life. But, enough about me and my unrealistic expectations. What about the code?

During my almost daily walks I walk passed quite a few people. All kinds of people - young, old, thin, not-so-thin, male, female, undetermined, white, black, Hispanic, etc, etc, etc. Based on my observations of thousands of random five second encounters with these people I have been able to classify them into the following hello/no hello groups:

I'm Happy to See You and Can't Wait to Say Hello - this group of people is making eye-contact with you before you can even see their eyes. They are always smiling. These people may exist in pairs, and it is not uncommon for them to be walking a dog. So, the next time you see someone who has their dog with them at work or at church make sure to say hello.

I'm Open to the Idea of Saying Hello but Only if You Go First - this group will typically be scanning the area as they walk, but will direct their gaze in your direction in plenty of time for you to say hello. They are not usually smiling, but their expression is pleasant and inviting, and they will most likely smile when they say hello back.

I Don't Want to Appear Rude but I Don't Want to Say Hello Either - we all know this group. As they approach they will appear to be deep in thought and will often have a concerned look on their face. They will usually act as if something has attracted their attention just as they come within greeting distance, or they will look at their watch, which is especially entertaining when they aren't wearing a watch. I usually ask them what time it is.

I Just Can't Bear the Thought of Speaking to You Right Now - this is the easiest group to deal with as they leave no doubt about what is going to happen. These people walk looking straight down at the ground with such a fixed stare that you could make a face and stick your tongue out at them and they'd never notice. If you're in a particularly playful mood say hello to these people and watch them lose their balance and stumble into oncoming traffic.

I'm Carrying a Concealed Hand Gun and I'll Be Happy to Show It to You - this group walks with a scowl on their face and stares straight ahead until they are within a step or two of you. At that point they look you straight in the eyes but don't soften their scowls. This group not only doesn't want to be cordial, they also dare you to say hello. Avoid this group if you're in a playful mood and never ask them for the time.

So, there you have it. If everyone at church and at work would behave the same way that walkers on the sidewalk behave the world would be a much easier place to figure out.

Oh , by the way, I had my very first job interview earlier this week. It was actually a telephone interview, for a job based in Houston. I talked to "the man" for about 45 minutes and things seemed to have gone well. If he liked me then the next step is to go in for a "panel" interview. I am familiar with this company and I know that the panel interview is with up to six people, some of whom are on a conference call from their corporate office in New York. I've never been in front of a panel before. I hope I get a shot at this. It sounds like fun, even if I don't get the job.

We're off to Camp Bandina this Sunday afternoon to be small group Bible class leaders for the FCCC seniors (seniors meaning in high school, not over age 65). We'll be there - in Bandera - until Friday morning and then we head to Colorado to try out my brother's brand new vacation home. This trip will be an interesting contrast in temperature - 105 degrees in Bandera and 70 degrees in Colorado.