You Think You're Bored?  Reading This May Help . . .

Yesterday I hit what I'm hoping will be my worst virus hostage day.  Here's what I did during the day, with all the details I'm sure you are looking forward to.  Reading this will probably make you feel better about yourself.

8:14 AM - When I retired back in 2017 I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't turn into one of those lazy old guys who slept late and then wandered around his house all day wondering what do to.  With that in mind, I decided that I would get out of bed each morning no later than 7:00 AM.  I held myself to that rule until recently.  Why get up early when there is nothing on your agenda for the day.  So now I basically lay in bed for an hour or so every morning before I get up to face another busy day.

8:15 AM - Logged on to the internet to check the news.  After skipping the first 87 stories about the virus, written from every conceivable angle - and designed to seemingly inflict as much panic as possible - I switched over to sports-related articles.  Unfortunately, reading sports-related articles when there are no actual sports going on is even more boring than reading about ways to conserve toilet paper.

8:27 AM - Had a hearty bowl of Corn Chex for breakfast.  Until very recently I thought that Corn Chex were not even manufactured any more.  However, with the potentially starving masses snapping up all the good cereal, this was the only variety still available when Vicki last braved the grocery store,

8:38 AM - Vicki and I had a conversation about potentially starting to conserve items that may possibly remain in short supply during the consumer panic.  We are seemingly good for up to two months on the toilet paper front, which is wonderful news.  However, what we may be in danger of exhausting is our current supply of deodorant.  With that in mind we made the decision to begin cutting back.  I suggested that we double our timeline by using it under the left arm on even numbered days, and the right arm on odd numbered days.  My suggestion is being taken under advisement, but is not expected to be approved.

9:15 AM - Entered the breakfast room and picked up my work on putting together the Old Candy Store one-thousand piece puzzle.  Puzzle-working is a great activity in which to engage during hostage situations in which you are the hostage.  Puzzles offer the perfect combination of identifying a challenge, overcoming adversity while addressing the challenge, and feeling a rush of accomplishment upon overcoming the challenge.  We actually started working on the Candy Store a couple days ago, but I decided today was the day to really ramp things up.  Challenges that were met and overcome during the puzzle session:

• Developed a successful technique for sitting in my chair sideways so as to minimize the glare on the puzzle pieces.
• Realized that putting my head down on the table to take a short nap resulted in waking up with multiple indentions on my forehead.
• After three hours managed to locate the left eye of the kid with the lollipop.
• After five hours managed to locate the front legs of the German shepherd in the background out the window of the store.  The candy store apparently was not in Austin, or the German shepherd would have been in the store.
• After eleven hours Vicki finally located the old lady's right eye.
• We were about to call the day a total success until we realized that there was one puzzle piece missing (!) which denied us the true satisfaction of finalizing a job well done.

8:15 PM - We watched a taped episode of Dateline, in which a guy in Toledo was accused of killing a drunk girl he picked up in a bar back in 1983.  He was actually convicted, but ultimately freed after a successful appeal.  What was notable about this event - other than the jury that had convicted him must has slept through the "innocent until PROVEN guilty" lecture in Law 101 - was that everyone associated with the case looked like the people who work the carnival rides at the county fair.

10:15 PM - Watched a Ken Burns documentary on the Vietnam war until midnight.  This made the current misery seem a lot less miserable.

Upon getting ready for bed I noticed that I was actually already ready for bed.  For the first time since the onset of the panic I realized that I was still in the gym shorts and tee shirt I had slept in the night before.  I vowed to never let that happen again, and this morning I felt good about myself, when upon rising from a good night's sleep - no doubt brought about by a hard day of puzzle working - I immediate changed into a different pair of gym shorts.  However, this action did raise a question in my mind that I have been thinking about all day.  When will I every wear long pants again?

Back in the Saddle Again

I'm Back! (?)

I'm having some difficulty getting back into my blog, but I'm hoping this will work.  This is just a test posting, so don't expect the usual fascinating content that you were used to when I suspended operations five years ago.

I thought I'd resurrect my blog because I seem to have quite a bit of time on my hands just now.  I retired three years ago, so it's not like I was exactly living with an overloaded schedule, but now that the virus panic is in full swing I have more down time than I know what to do with.  Yesterday I actually washed my truck - not by driving it through the car wash at the gas station - but the old fashioned way, out in the driveway using a hose and a bucket!  It was also raining at the time, which proves how hungry I was to do something - anything!

Keeping with the "let's do something - anything!" theme, Vicki and I spent this past Wednesday cleaning out our attic.  Now although this may not sound exciting, it actual was - in a weird sort of way.  When we moved into this house fourteen years ago we put lots of stuff in the attic, a good portion of which had previously resided in the attic of the house from which we had moved, and a fair portion of that in the attic of the house from which we had moved before that.  So, much of what was in the attic was actually living in its third attic.  We had two primary motivations for the big clean out.  First, if we ever move again we don't want to tote anymore worthless stuff along with us than necessary.  Second, we thought we'd do our kids a big favor and spare them the task of culling the junk when we die (we don't anticipate that our deaths are eminent, but there is a virus thing going around you know).  I'll spare you all the exciting details, but the glee of having a now almost empty attic is strangely satisfying.  I actually went up there yesterday, just to sit in the space now shared with only camping equipment and a few Christmas decorations.

My next project is to teach my grand kids what in the past were referred to as "math facts".  As with all things virus, they also have extra time on their hands now that school has been cancelled for the foreseeable future.  For those of you who are not familiar with the term "math facts", it means rote memorization of arithmetic (addition, subtraction, division and multiplication).  This is very much out of fashion in today's education world, where kids are expected to know the theory behind 2+2=4 instead of just knowing that 2+2=4.  Instead of just memorizing the addition, subtraction, division and multiplication "tables" as we used to call them, kids now are required to draw pictures to define what each arithmetic transaction represents, thereby deriving a greater, more spiritual relationship with each transaction.  My goal is to blow this whole thing up and turn math into not too much more than a party game where my grand kids will be able to amaze their friends by just magically knowing how to add or subtract stuff.  The key to my overthrow of the contemporary education system will involve neither technology or theory.  My weapon of choice will be FLASH CARDS!!  I can't wait to subvert the little minds I will be influencing.  I said there would be no technology, but in the spirit of full disclosure I must reveal that I did order the flash cards online.

Well, that's all for now.  I'm about to put on my jogging (actually walking) shoes and head out for a little exercise.  During my walk I will be sure to maintain the appropriate "social distancing" from any other bored people who are killing time getting in a little exercising.

So you will have something to look forward to, the following a list of potential future topics I may or may not tackle on my blog:

• The Astros Cheating Scandal - Watch out Red Sox, you're next 
• COVID-19 - Fact or Fiction - Who's crazy and who isn't?
• Cute Stories About Our Six Grandchildren!
• More Cute Stories About Our Six Grandchildren! (This time with cute PICTURES!!!!)
• Movie Reviews (If I ever go to another movie)
• Online Church - Worshipping in your pajamas with your feet up while eating Cheerios
• Social Distancing - Pros and Cons
• Why Would Anyone Want a Pet Dog?
• Flash Card Progress Report
• Top Ten Tasks That Can No Longer Be Avoided While Self Quarantined
• Why Are Viruses So Mean and Inconsiderate?
• Humorous Musings About the Universe and the Meaning of Life
• Serious Musings About the Universe and the Meaning of Life
• Would Life As We Know It End Without Amazon Prime?
• Conspiracy Theories and Really Stupid People Who Love Them
• Did I Mention I Was Writing a Book?