I just finished a great book - Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer. It's a true story about a 1996 commercial expedition to climb Mount Everest that ended up in the death of six climbers. I won't go into a bunch of details, but after reflecting on the story I'm struck by two things. All of the characters were extremely focused - to the point of being obsessed - about getting to the top of Everest. So much so that they let their ambitions kill them. In addition, although they were all surrounded by such a magnificent and majestic location and in continually dangerous and challenging conditions, there is not one mention - not even a single tiny reference - to God, His creation, or asking for His protection.
I was at Second Mile again yesterday and I had some serious fun. My boss, Tom, was on vacation so I didn't have my recently typical easy job in one of the air conditioned offices. One of the warehouse guys was out with the truck making pick-ups and the other warehouse guy wasn't in, so I put myself in charge for the day. As the day progressed it became necessary for me to move some stuff around, so I actually drove the fork lift. I mentioned in an earlier post that several weeks ago I received about 90 seconds of training on the fork lift, which I of course by now had totally forgotten, but which of course didn't stop me. With my crew of two community service boys we had lots of work to do. I made sure they were both far from my path, which wasn't a problem after they witnessed me knocking over a few boxes and having a low-speed collision which some furniture. I also loaded some furniture into an Egyptian lady's minivan, which was quite interesting. I don't usually have too much trouble communicating with the Spanish-speaking clients, but Egyptian is another thing. The only words I know in Egyptian are Pharaoh and pyramid. But, things worked out okay and she got her furniture. And, I'm fairly certain that she was very impressed with my fork lift driving.
Later today we're driving up to The Woodlands to visit with Bethany for a few hours. As part of her nanny gig she'll be there taking care of her young charge while his mom attends a meeting of some type. I'm looking forward to breakfast and lunch with a one year-old. I'm sure we'll bond. Speaking of Bethany, she had a job interview yesterday for a speech and debate teaching postion at Hayes Consolidated ISD in Buda (Texas), which is about 3o miles south of Austin. I can't wait to hear how that went.
I have now officially given up on my front yard and accepted the fact that it will not rain again in my lifetime. I'm considering putting a lethal dose of weed killer on the entire yard and just being done with the whole thing, and then spray painting the dirt green, which will save me hundreds of dollars each month on water. Actually, the decision now seems easy - continue to spend money watering the yard and end up with dead grass, or don't spend money watering the yard and end up with dead grass? Hmmm.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Saying Hello - How to Know
Every once in awhile in a sermon or in one of those touchie-feelie seminars on interpersonal relations that we've all had to sit through at work (work?) you'll hear some version of the following topic brought up.
"You know, when people ask us how we're doing we've all gotten in the habit of just saying something like 'fine' or 'okay' or 'not bad'. But we all know that there are times when we don't feel fine or okay or not bad. There are times when we feel like we have the weight of the world on our shoulders. But, we just put on our masks with the painted on smiles and go about our business as if nothing is wrong. Wouldn't it be great if we had the kind of relationship with our friends that allowed us to share our hurts with them when things are not going well?"
Now, I don't know about you, but when I ask someone "How's it going?" I expect the response to be fine or okay or not bad. Except in rare instances where a close blood relative needs to confide in me in order to avoid death, permanent disability, or a long prison sentence, I don't typically want to hear about someone else's bad day. Wouldn't it be nice if instead of having to go through a bunch of fake pleasantries we could just tell in advance whether or not to even say hello to a person? What if there was some type of code that would clue us in about another person's desire to be greeted. Well, good news - I think I've cracked just such a code and I'm going to let you in on it.
Being that I have a lot of spare time on my hands I have gotten into the habit of walking almost every day. It's great exercise and it's allowed me to lose about fifteen pounds. I walk about 3.5 miles a day. My plan is that as soon as I lose 25 more pounds I'll start running again like I used to do when I was younger. I expect that I will probably never run again for the rest of my life. But, enough about me and my unrealistic expectations. What about the code?
During my almost daily walks I walk passed quite a few people. All kinds of people - young, old, thin, not-so-thin, male, female, undetermined, white, black, Hispanic, etc, etc, etc. Based on my observations of thousands of random five second encounters with these people I have been able to classify them into the following hello/no hello groups:
I'm Happy to See You and Can't Wait to Say Hello - this group of people is making eye-contact with you before you can even see their eyes. They are always smiling. These people may exist in pairs, and it is not uncommon for them to be walking a dog. So, the next time you see someone who has their dog with them at work or at church make sure to say hello.
I'm Open to the Idea of Saying Hello but Only if You Go First - this group will typically be scanning the area as they walk, but will direct their gaze in your direction in plenty of time for you to say hello. They are not usually smiling, but their expression is pleasant and inviting, and they will most likely smile when they say hello back.
I Don't Want to Appear Rude but I Don't Want to Say Hello Either - we all know this group. As they approach they will appear to be deep in thought and will often have a concerned look on their face. They will usually act as if something has attracted their attention just as they come within greeting distance, or they will look at their watch, which is especially entertaining when they aren't wearing a watch. I usually ask them what time it is.
I Just Can't Bear the Thought of Speaking to You Right Now - this is the easiest group to deal with as they leave no doubt about what is going to happen. These people walk looking straight down at the ground with such a fixed stare that you could make a face and stick your tongue out at them and they'd never notice. If you're in a particularly playful mood say hello to these people and watch them lose their balance and stumble into oncoming traffic.
I'm Carrying a Concealed Hand Gun and I'll Be Happy to Show It to You - this group walks with a scowl on their face and stares straight ahead until they are within a step or two of you. At that point they look you straight in the eyes but don't soften their scowls. This group not only doesn't want to be cordial, they also dare you to say hello. Avoid this group if you're in a playful mood and never ask them for the time.
So, there you have it. If everyone at church and at work would behave the same way that walkers on the sidewalk behave the world would be a much easier place to figure out.
"You know, when people ask us how we're doing we've all gotten in the habit of just saying something like 'fine' or 'okay' or 'not bad'. But we all know that there are times when we don't feel fine or okay or not bad. There are times when we feel like we have the weight of the world on our shoulders. But, we just put on our masks with the painted on smiles and go about our business as if nothing is wrong. Wouldn't it be great if we had the kind of relationship with our friends that allowed us to share our hurts with them when things are not going well?"
Now, I don't know about you, but when I ask someone "How's it going?" I expect the response to be fine or okay or not bad. Except in rare instances where a close blood relative needs to confide in me in order to avoid death, permanent disability, or a long prison sentence, I don't typically want to hear about someone else's bad day. Wouldn't it be nice if instead of having to go through a bunch of fake pleasantries we could just tell in advance whether or not to even say hello to a person? What if there was some type of code that would clue us in about another person's desire to be greeted. Well, good news - I think I've cracked just such a code and I'm going to let you in on it.
Being that I have a lot of spare time on my hands I have gotten into the habit of walking almost every day. It's great exercise and it's allowed me to lose about fifteen pounds. I walk about 3.5 miles a day. My plan is that as soon as I lose 25 more pounds I'll start running again like I used to do when I was younger. I expect that I will probably never run again for the rest of my life. But, enough about me and my unrealistic expectations. What about the code?
During my almost daily walks I walk passed quite a few people. All kinds of people - young, old, thin, not-so-thin, male, female, undetermined, white, black, Hispanic, etc, etc, etc. Based on my observations of thousands of random five second encounters with these people I have been able to classify them into the following hello/no hello groups:
I'm Happy to See You and Can't Wait to Say Hello - this group of people is making eye-contact with you before you can even see their eyes. They are always smiling. These people may exist in pairs, and it is not uncommon for them to be walking a dog. So, the next time you see someone who has their dog with them at work or at church make sure to say hello.
I'm Open to the Idea of Saying Hello but Only if You Go First - this group will typically be scanning the area as they walk, but will direct their gaze in your direction in plenty of time for you to say hello. They are not usually smiling, but their expression is pleasant and inviting, and they will most likely smile when they say hello back.
I Don't Want to Appear Rude but I Don't Want to Say Hello Either - we all know this group. As they approach they will appear to be deep in thought and will often have a concerned look on their face. They will usually act as if something has attracted their attention just as they come within greeting distance, or they will look at their watch, which is especially entertaining when they aren't wearing a watch. I usually ask them what time it is.
I Just Can't Bear the Thought of Speaking to You Right Now - this is the easiest group to deal with as they leave no doubt about what is going to happen. These people walk looking straight down at the ground with such a fixed stare that you could make a face and stick your tongue out at them and they'd never notice. If you're in a particularly playful mood say hello to these people and watch them lose their balance and stumble into oncoming traffic.
I'm Carrying a Concealed Hand Gun and I'll Be Happy to Show It to You - this group walks with a scowl on their face and stares straight ahead until they are within a step or two of you. At that point they look you straight in the eyes but don't soften their scowls. This group not only doesn't want to be cordial, they also dare you to say hello. Avoid this group if you're in a playful mood and never ask them for the time.
So, there you have it. If everyone at church and at work would behave the same way that walkers on the sidewalk behave the world would be a much easier place to figure out.
Oh , by the way, I had my very first job interview earlier this week. It was actually a telephone interview, for a job based in Houston. I talked to "the man" for about 45 minutes and things seemed to have gone well. If he liked me then the next step is to go in for a "panel" interview. I am familiar with this company and I know that the panel interview is with up to six people, some of whom are on a conference call from their corporate office in New York. I've never been in front of a panel before. I hope I get a shot at this. It sounds like fun, even if I don't get the job.
We're off to Camp Bandina this Sunday afternoon to be small group Bible class leaders for the FCCC seniors (seniors meaning in high school, not over age 65). We'll be there - in Bandera - until Friday morning and then we head to Colorado to try out my brother's brand new vacation home. This trip will be an interesting contrast in temperature - 105 degrees in Bandera and 70 degrees in Colorado.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Vanna, I'd Like a "Ctrl i" Please
Well, tonight was a big night for me and nine of my closest friends. After weeks of excited anticipation the gastronomical event of the decade finally arrived - THE chicken fried steak dinner for ten at the home of the world famous cook Sharon Galvan. We qualified to attend this extravaganza by way of the fact that I was the high bidder for it at the First Colony Church of Christ's youth mission auction which was held this past February. This was probably the best $300 I ever spent.
FYI, this auction is an annual event that raises funds for various mission trips and mission support in various countries around the world, including Mexico, Haiti, Honduras, Uganda and Chile.
Dinner this evening included chicken fried steak (lightly breaded and delicious), garlic mashed potatoes (oh so fluffy), green beans (oh so green) and a wide selection of desserts (maybe the best part of the night). The dessert bar included cheese cake, raspberry cobbler, pecan pie, and carrot cake - all home made by Ms. Galvan.
No matter what anybody tells you, chicken fried steak is not health food - regardless of who makes it!
Here's Sharon posing with what's left of fifteen pounds of mashed potatoes! She was disappointed that we couldn't finish them off.
The entertainment for the evening was presented in several acts. Act One was Reid Curry, who regaled us with his wisdom of MicroSoft Word short cuts. For instance, did you know that Ctrl i will italicize what follows until the Ctrl i keys are hit again? How about Ctrl b, which will bold the following type? In addition his prowess with Word, Reid informed us that he is a "hybrid" individual, with "one foot in new age and one foot old school." And, he gets 47 miles per gallon.
Act Two was the group making fun of me for being a participant in the upcoming FCCC production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat. [NOTE: I just hit Ctrl i to italicize the name of the play in the preceding sentence!] The jealousy at the table was a terrible thing to witness. I could tell that they we all just eaten up inside with envy as they envisioned me singing and dancing my way into the hearts of thousands during Joseph.
Act Three was the group making fun of me for blogging. Can you believe this? There is actually a segment of the population that doesn't understand blogging? The problem with these haters is that they can't accept what they can't understand. Because the creativity of the printed word is beyond their grasp, they fear what they can't comprehend - especially Reid, who announced to everyone that he hates to read (which will certainly serve him well during his next three years at Texas Tech). But don't worry, their closed minds only serve to make me want to blog more!
Here's a group shot of my overfed, blog-hating "friends" who have no appreciation for the theatre. NOTE: Sharon and her husband David (far left) are not part of this close-minded bunch of Neanderthals.
The group also discussed possible career options for me. Based on our discussions I think I'm going to try to get a job mowing golf courses while collecting lost golf balls from the course ponds, lakes, and streams. According Butch Watterson - a famous Greatwood realtor - he once sold a million dollar house to a guy who made his fortune selling used golf balls. As soon as we get back from our vacation in Colorado I intend to be all over this.
On a closing note, I was informed today by a close relative that my blog is boring. When I recovered from the devastation wrought by this comment I decided that maybe I do need to branch out and try to include more human interest stories. So, to that end I have decided that in addition to the every day run of the mill stories about my fascinating life I will start to include my candid musings about other things that I observe with my keen insight into the human condition. My first musing post will be happening in the next few days, so be on the lookout for it.Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Today I Made a Chariot
Greetings fellow blog-ites. I hope your week is going well and that those of you living in Houston and vicinity are enjoying the cooler weather. It hasn't been over 100 degrees for almost a week. Things are looking up. Now if we'd just get some of those thundershowers that have danced around us for the last two weeks I'd be so, so happy.
Big news! Yesterday I started working on it, and today I finished building a chariot. That's right, I said a chariot. By finished I mean I finished the construction phase. At some point between now and the end of September I'll paint it and make it look really cool. Like my across the street neighbor - who came over this afternoon just to see what I was building in my garage - you may be wondering why a chariot? Well, it's for the play. You remember, the Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat? The chariot is for the big finale, when Jacob shows up in Egypt and is finally reunited with Joseph after many years. I looked up a picture of any Egyptian war chariot on the internet, and mine actually looks pretty close. See below . . .
Just wait until I get it painted!
Big news! Yesterday I started working on it, and today I finished building a chariot. That's right, I said a chariot. By finished I mean I finished the construction phase. At some point between now and the end of September I'll paint it and make it look really cool. Like my across the street neighbor - who came over this afternoon just to see what I was building in my garage - you may be wondering why a chariot? Well, it's for the play. You remember, the Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat? The chariot is for the big finale, when Jacob shows up in Egypt and is finally reunited with Joseph after many years. I looked up a picture of any Egyptian war chariot on the internet, and mine actually looks pretty close. See below . . .
Just wait until I get it painted!Speaking of the Joseph show, we started rehearsing in earnest this week. We're working on the big song and dance number, and I have been learning more dance moves than I may be able to retain in my 56 year old brain. When we did this show ten years ago our choreographer was either much lazier or much less ambitious (or much smarter). Regardless, I'm sure we'll all look like Fred Astaire or Ginger Rogers by show time. Of course there is more than one scene that requires dancing, so wish me luck with whatever is over the horizon.
Tomorrow is Vicki's birthday, so if you some into contact with her either in person or via any of the multiple electronic avenues on which you travel, tell her Happy Birthday. Because I'm tied up tomorrow evening (another rehearsal) we're doing the birthday dinner thing on Thursday evening. Don't tell her, it's a secret. I can't wait to see her face when she opens the gift I got her. It's awesome.
News flash! The Astros beat the Cardinals again tonight, which puts them only two games out of first place. Get ready for another second half charge by the Astros. I sure do miss all those free tickets I used to get when I was working. Oh yes, working. I got another job lead this afternoon from one of my former colleagues at GlobalSantaFe which I'll follow up on tomorrow. The recruiter is in Maumee, Ohio but the job is somewhere in Houston. The job description is specific in listing one of the job requirements as "a non job hopper." I wonder if working for two companies in 29 years qualifies me as a non job hopper? I can only hope.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Yes, I Have a Basically Boring Life
I haven't blogged much recently because not much is really happening. I do have a few semi-newsworthy items, but not much.
Yesterday was Second Mile Thursday. I've actually started looking forward to my trips down to Second Mile. My "boss" - Tom - is a really great guy, with a true servant's heart. For the second week in a row I was not assigned to the sweat box that is the warehouse. I spent yesterday continuing to work on the E-bay project. You'll recall that last week I took pictures of items with perceived value that will most likely not be distributed to Second Mile clients - skis, cameras, leather jackets, drum set, etc. Yesterday I actually posted these items on E-bay. I had never even been to the E-bay website, so it was fun learning how it works. My favorite E-bay item is the University of North Carolina leather team jacket that I donated to Second Mile. It's a really authentic looking leather jacket that says "UNC" on the front. All leather, with a quilted lining, in baby blue and navy. It looks cool. We inherited this jacket several years ago when one of Kayla's (or was it Bethany) old boyfriends left it at our house and never came by for it. He moved away and we've had it for seven or eight years. Maybe he'll see it and buy it back. The bidding starts at $49.99.
Speaking of Second Mile, when you work inside where the clients are you gain some insight into what it's like to try to help people who are not always as appreciative as you'd expect. There were actually two shouting incidents yesterday. One involved - if you can believe this - a teenage girl who was there performing community service. One of the staff told her to do something and the girl didn't like her tone, so she pitched a fit about not being respected! She went on and on to the point where she was finally hauled into the office of the head counselor. The other outburst involved a women who was upset because the used couch she was given wasn't as good as the one she had seen another person leave with earlier in the day. It seems that the other person's couch was the color this lady wanted and she wasn't happy that there weren't more of that color "in stock". I wanted to go out into the hall and suggest Macy's or Star, but I figured that would be like throwing gasoline on a fire (which I have actually done on occasion).
Tonight is our first rehearsal for the Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Over the next two months we'll have about 20 rehearsals. When we did this ten years ago I had a job that took up a lot of my day. This time around it should be a little easier to work rehearsals into my schedule.
Something we have managed to work into our schedules is a trip to Colorado. Yes, that's correct - cooool Colorado. My brother Greg and his wife just finished construction on a vacation home in Westcliffe, Colorado, which is a few hours southwest of Colorado Springs. Like any good brother who is without a job and melting in the unceasing Houston heat, I asked Greg if Vicki and I could come up and spend a few days in his brand new house. Of course, being the good brother that he is, he said okay. We'll be heading up the second week of August, right after we finish our group leader gig at Camp Bandina. Vicki and I have the First Colony Church of Christ seniors. It should be lots of fun. I hear Bandina is always cool in August.
If just occurred to me that today is Friday and the job interview I was expecting never did quite materialize. Maybe next week . . .
Yesterday was Second Mile Thursday. I've actually started looking forward to my trips down to Second Mile. My "boss" - Tom - is a really great guy, with a true servant's heart. For the second week in a row I was not assigned to the sweat box that is the warehouse. I spent yesterday continuing to work on the E-bay project. You'll recall that last week I took pictures of items with perceived value that will most likely not be distributed to Second Mile clients - skis, cameras, leather jackets, drum set, etc. Yesterday I actually posted these items on E-bay. I had never even been to the E-bay website, so it was fun learning how it works. My favorite E-bay item is the University of North Carolina leather team jacket that I donated to Second Mile. It's a really authentic looking leather jacket that says "UNC" on the front. All leather, with a quilted lining, in baby blue and navy. It looks cool. We inherited this jacket several years ago when one of Kayla's (or was it Bethany) old boyfriends left it at our house and never came by for it. He moved away and we've had it for seven or eight years. Maybe he'll see it and buy it back. The bidding starts at $49.99.
Speaking of Second Mile, when you work inside where the clients are you gain some insight into what it's like to try to help people who are not always as appreciative as you'd expect. There were actually two shouting incidents yesterday. One involved - if you can believe this - a teenage girl who was there performing community service. One of the staff told her to do something and the girl didn't like her tone, so she pitched a fit about not being respected! She went on and on to the point where she was finally hauled into the office of the head counselor. The other outburst involved a women who was upset because the used couch she was given wasn't as good as the one she had seen another person leave with earlier in the day. It seems that the other person's couch was the color this lady wanted and she wasn't happy that there weren't more of that color "in stock". I wanted to go out into the hall and suggest Macy's or Star, but I figured that would be like throwing gasoline on a fire (which I have actually done on occasion).
Tonight is our first rehearsal for the Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Over the next two months we'll have about 20 rehearsals. When we did this ten years ago I had a job that took up a lot of my day. This time around it should be a little easier to work rehearsals into my schedule.
Something we have managed to work into our schedules is a trip to Colorado. Yes, that's correct - cooool Colorado. My brother Greg and his wife just finished construction on a vacation home in Westcliffe, Colorado, which is a few hours southwest of Colorado Springs. Like any good brother who is without a job and melting in the unceasing Houston heat, I asked Greg if Vicki and I could come up and spend a few days in his brand new house. Of course, being the good brother that he is, he said okay. We'll be heading up the second week of August, right after we finish our group leader gig at Camp Bandina. Vicki and I have the First Colony Church of Christ seniors. It should be lots of fun. I hear Bandina is always cool in August.
If just occurred to me that today is Friday and the job interview I was expecting never did quite materialize. Maybe next week . . .
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
New License Plates!
Today was a big day for me. I picked up my new license plates! I mentioned in excruciating detail in a previous post that I get personalized plates every so often, usually to mark some type of event in the life of myself or our family. This year's plate is "LESS*ME". There is some significance behind these words.
I was a Camp Kadesh group leader earlier this summer at Abilene Christian University. This is a camp for high school kids. It's advertised as a "leadership camp", and it's a fairly intense experience that forces the campers and the staff to examine their relationships with Jesus Christ. One of the things we did this year was to put together our "cardboard testimonies." Many of the kids had some pretty dramatic - and sometimes tragic - circumstances on their testimonies. Mine wasn't particularly dramatic or tragic, but just a little sobering. I realized that over the last few years I have spent most of my time concentrating on things that are about me - my job, my family, my house. my vacations, my . . . It occurred to me that I have spent very little time thinking and studying about eternal things, most specifically my relationship with Jesus Christ. So, as you can see below, the "recognition" side of my cardboard was "Less Me" and the "commitment" side was "More Him". I'm hoping that my license plate will be an every day reminder to spend less time thinking about me and more time thinking about Him. In the near future the state of Texas will start using seven digits on their license plates. Next year I think I'll apply for "MORE*HIM".
I was a Camp Kadesh group leader earlier this summer at Abilene Christian University. This is a camp for high school kids. It's advertised as a "leadership camp", and it's a fairly intense experience that forces the campers and the staff to examine their relationships with Jesus Christ. One of the things we did this year was to put together our "cardboard testimonies." Many of the kids had some pretty dramatic - and sometimes tragic - circumstances on their testimonies. Mine wasn't particularly dramatic or tragic, but just a little sobering. I realized that over the last few years I have spent most of my time concentrating on things that are about me - my job, my family, my house. my vacations, my . . . It occurred to me that I have spent very little time thinking and studying about eternal things, most specifically my relationship with Jesus Christ. So, as you can see below, the "recognition" side of my cardboard was "Less Me" and the "commitment" side was "More Him". I'm hoping that my license plate will be an every day reminder to spend less time thinking about me and more time thinking about Him. In the near future the state of Texas will start using seven digits on their license plates. Next year I think I'll apply for "MORE*HIM".
Monday, July 13, 2009
Another Hot Day
Today I took care of a little task I have been wanting to do since we moved into this house three years ago. The stone border around the flower/tree bed in the front corner of our yard has always been a little out of whack. The stones were uneven and some of them were sinking into the ground. So this morning I got an early start while the temperature was still in the mid-80's and took all of the stones apart and started over. The job took about two hours and I sweat about three gallons, but the finished product looks pretty good. Below are some "before" and "after" pictures.
Before . . .
After
We had Butch and Melanie and Randy and Terrell over for dinner. Kayla and Lance also hung around, so there were eight of us. Vicki made "Sunday dinner" which consisted of roast, mashed potatoes, corn and green beans. Yum! For dessert we had an assortment of ice cream flavors and an equal assortment of toppings. This was some world-class comfort food of the highest order, and we all enjoyed it.
After dinner we had a Wii bowling tournament. The competition was fierce in the first round, but in the finals Lance bowled at 234 and he and Kayla easily won over Randy and Terrell. It was sooo exciting! We're seriously considering putting a video of Vicki's bowling form on U-Tube. It would get at least ten million hits once the word got out.
This morning I talked to one of the multitude of recruiters who are (theoretically) trying to find me a job. It seems that there is a real chance that I may hear tomorrow that I have an interview. If I do get the interview I hope I'm the first of at least ten people they interview and that it takes at least a month for them to make the decision to hire me. That would be perfect.
Tomorrow: The air-conditioning guys will try again - for the third time - to show up for their appointment to do our "spring" A/C check-up. It sure is warm for spring. In the afternoon I'll be doing some minor repair work for a lady at church who is putting her house on the market. It's so nice to feel wanted!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Today is Saturday, Which Means Yesterday Was Friday
Greetings on another sunny and excruciatingly hot Saturday! The weatherman says we might get a few stray thundershowers today, but so far it's not looking too promising on that front.
Bethany made a surprise trip home yesterday. It seems that she had planned to be in San Antonio this weekend to attend the double baby showers of some college friends. However, she got the dates mixed up - the showers aren't until next weekend. Unfortunately, in her anticipated absence Cody had arranged for seven of his closest friends (including Lance) to come by for a boys' weekend. Faced with the options of 1) uninviting the boys, or 2) spending the weekend with them in her two-bedroom apartment, Bethany elected option 3) to make a quick visit to see the fam in Greatwood.
This morning we did what we usually do when everyone's in town on a Saturday morning - we went to Bob's Taco Station for breakfast. I had my usual - two bacon/egg/potato tacos. If you've never been to Bob's you should definitely go sometime. The tacos are pretty good, but my favorite thing about the place is the collection of miscellaneous signs and pictures that are all over the walls. My favorite sign is the one that says "I'm not loafing, I just work so fast that I'm always done." Try that one on your boss sometime. Other notable signs and sayings include:
"Attention Teenagers - Leave home and go out on your own now while you still know everything!"
"Menudo, it takes guts to make it and guts to eat it!"
"We don't repeat gossip - so listen closely the first time."
Yesterday was my most active day yet in my quest for a new job. I didn't have any actual interviews - which I'm sure are lining up just around the corner - but I did have face-to-face meetings with two recruiting firms. At the first meeting I had to wait about twenty minutes, so I got to look at a coffee table book that had all of the covers of Rolling Stone Magazine. That was fun. When the recruiter finally showed up I asked her if she minded being called a "head hunter"? Turns out she did mind. Oops! The second meeting was over lunch at Willie G's by the Galleria. The recruiter picked up the check, which I thought was nice. Neither of these people had any specific opportunities for me, but it was fun to put on long pants and get out of the house.
We got our computer back yesterday from it's stay in the anti-virus unit of our local PC fix it place. I just reconnected everything so I could write this blog post. I love crawling around on the floor in the dust bunnies, contorting my over-sized body into odd positions to reconnect all of the wires, cables, plugs, etc. It took me almost an hour to get everything back together and in the correct spot. I think once we're done with Al Qaida we should turn the full attention and resources of all branches of the U.S. military to locating and eliminating those responsible for computer viruses, worms, trojans, phishes, and whatever else they to.
Tomorrow: We get to go to church and worship God. I'm looking forward to it!
Bethany made a surprise trip home yesterday. It seems that she had planned to be in San Antonio this weekend to attend the double baby showers of some college friends. However, she got the dates mixed up - the showers aren't until next weekend. Unfortunately, in her anticipated absence Cody had arranged for seven of his closest friends (including Lance) to come by for a boys' weekend. Faced with the options of 1) uninviting the boys, or 2) spending the weekend with them in her two-bedroom apartment, Bethany elected option 3) to make a quick visit to see the fam in Greatwood.
This morning we did what we usually do when everyone's in town on a Saturday morning - we went to Bob's Taco Station for breakfast. I had my usual - two bacon/egg/potato tacos. If you've never been to Bob's you should definitely go sometime. The tacos are pretty good, but my favorite thing about the place is the collection of miscellaneous signs and pictures that are all over the walls. My favorite sign is the one that says "I'm not loafing, I just work so fast that I'm always done." Try that one on your boss sometime. Other notable signs and sayings include:
"Attention Teenagers - Leave home and go out on your own now while you still know everything!"
"Menudo, it takes guts to make it and guts to eat it!"
"We don't repeat gossip - so listen closely the first time."
Yesterday was my most active day yet in my quest for a new job. I didn't have any actual interviews - which I'm sure are lining up just around the corner - but I did have face-to-face meetings with two recruiting firms. At the first meeting I had to wait about twenty minutes, so I got to look at a coffee table book that had all of the covers of Rolling Stone Magazine. That was fun. When the recruiter finally showed up I asked her if she minded being called a "head hunter"? Turns out she did mind. Oops! The second meeting was over lunch at Willie G's by the Galleria. The recruiter picked up the check, which I thought was nice. Neither of these people had any specific opportunities for me, but it was fun to put on long pants and get out of the house.
We got our computer back yesterday from it's stay in the anti-virus unit of our local PC fix it place. I just reconnected everything so I could write this blog post. I love crawling around on the floor in the dust bunnies, contorting my over-sized body into odd positions to reconnect all of the wires, cables, plugs, etc. It took me almost an hour to get everything back together and in the correct spot. I think once we're done with Al Qaida we should turn the full attention and resources of all branches of the U.S. military to locating and eliminating those responsible for computer viruses, worms, trojans, phishes, and whatever else they to.
Tomorrow: We get to go to church and worship God. I'm looking forward to it!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Bargains Abound at Second Mile Mission
When I reported to the warehouse at Second Mile Mission this morning for my usual Thursday gig I was informed that I had been promoted - from Warehouseman III to Photographer. It seems that on occasion people donote things to the mission that are not the kind of things that the average person is looking for when they visit. I was shown to a room that included, among other things, the following items -
Motor cycle boots
Leather motor cycle jacket
Skis and ski boots
Snorkling equipment
Wet suits
35mm cameras
Video cameras
Antique radio/phonograph
Crystal wine glasses
Telescope
Complete drum set
In addition, in the warehouse are pallets of the following items -
Polycarbonate water bottles, of which there are probably at least 5,000. They were donated as hurricane relief after Ike, and they're all still there.
Battery operated dish scrubbers, which were also donated following Hurricane Ike. I guess the theory was that people who typically use electric dish scrubbers would need battery operated ones if their electricity went out due to the hurricane? Regardless of the reason for them being there, there are about 2,000 of these.
My task, as official Second Mile photographer, was to take pictures of all of these random and potentially valuable items, write up some catchy promotional words, and place them on E-bay. Hopefully we'll generate some cash from the sale of this stuff that can be used to buy groceries and other things that needy people actually need. If you're in the market for a battery powered dish scrubber I'm the man to see. I can throw in a few hundred plastic bottles if you need them. Tell your friends.
The job hunt seems to be picking up. I have been in contact with several headhunters this week and there may actually be some jobs out there for people with my qualifications and experience. I may have a real job interview in the next couple of days, which is a sobering thought. I mean, I want to find a job and all, but I don't really think that I'm emotionally ready yet to make another long-term employment commitment. My last break-up was hard on me. And hey, it's only been three months. That's not really much of a vacation. If I go back to work who will assume the critical photography responsibilities at Second Mile? Who make the bed every other day? Who will sleep until 8:00 every other morning? Who will stay up late and watch old movies and Seinfeld reruns?
My front yard is now almost completely dead (although for some reason my back yard is still hanging in there). This in spite of the fact that I now water every day, and - get this - it actual rained for about twenty minutes the other day. First time since April 27th. Vicki and I sat out on the back porch and watched it. In hindsight it was odd how excited we were about it. We had drinks and snacks as we watched. Who says we don't have extremely exciting lives!
Speaking of exciting, I think I'll sign off and watch the Astros game. They're only one game under .500 and poised I'm sure for another of their late season charges. I can dream. If only they could play the Pirates every night.
Motor cycle boots
Leather motor cycle jacket
Skis and ski boots
Snorkling equipment
Wet suits
35mm cameras
Video cameras
Antique radio/phonograph
Crystal wine glasses
Telescope
Complete drum set
In addition, in the warehouse are pallets of the following items -
Polycarbonate water bottles, of which there are probably at least 5,000. They were donated as hurricane relief after Ike, and they're all still there.
Battery operated dish scrubbers, which were also donated following Hurricane Ike. I guess the theory was that people who typically use electric dish scrubbers would need battery operated ones if their electricity went out due to the hurricane? Regardless of the reason for them being there, there are about 2,000 of these.
My task, as official Second Mile photographer, was to take pictures of all of these random and potentially valuable items, write up some catchy promotional words, and place them on E-bay. Hopefully we'll generate some cash from the sale of this stuff that can be used to buy groceries and other things that needy people actually need. If you're in the market for a battery powered dish scrubber I'm the man to see. I can throw in a few hundred plastic bottles if you need them. Tell your friends.
The job hunt seems to be picking up. I have been in contact with several headhunters this week and there may actually be some jobs out there for people with my qualifications and experience. I may have a real job interview in the next couple of days, which is a sobering thought. I mean, I want to find a job and all, but I don't really think that I'm emotionally ready yet to make another long-term employment commitment. My last break-up was hard on me. And hey, it's only been three months. That's not really much of a vacation. If I go back to work who will assume the critical photography responsibilities at Second Mile? Who make the bed every other day? Who will sleep until 8:00 every other morning? Who will stay up late and watch old movies and Seinfeld reruns?
My front yard is now almost completely dead (although for some reason my back yard is still hanging in there). This in spite of the fact that I now water every day, and - get this - it actual rained for about twenty minutes the other day. First time since April 27th. Vicki and I sat out on the back porch and watched it. In hindsight it was odd how excited we were about it. We had drinks and snacks as we watched. Who says we don't have extremely exciting lives!
Speaking of exciting, I think I'll sign off and watch the Astros game. They're only one game under .500 and poised I'm sure for another of their late season charges. I can dream. If only they could play the Pirates every night.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Not Much Goin' On
Haven't really been up to much for the last couple of days, but I'll think of something.
Well there was one minor catastrophe that happened yesterday involving our desktop computer. It was completely taken over by some type of virus or trojan worm. When I say completely I mean to the point where it became useless. This morning I took it to our local computer guy to have it stripped of the invasive bad stuff. It's really amazing that there are people who are obviously very intelligent and very skilled who use their talents in such a worthless and destructive way. What a bunch of slugs.
Oh yeah, the big July 4th shindig at the home of Butch and Melanie. It was a lot of fun. There was - as usual for our group - about five times as much food on hand as could have possibly been eaten. Maybe that's why there are so few slim people among us. After pigging out on burgers, hot dogs, various types of chip and dips, etc. we brought out the homemade ice cream, which was available in two varieties - vanilla and peach. I don't know about the plain vanilla, but the peach was really, really good - both bowls.
After the food fest we all headed for the pool. It's my observation that we have now arrived on the other side of caring how we look. People are happy to participate in pool activities until their mid-30's. Then, they become self-conscious about how their bodies look (usually for good reason) until they reach around age 50 and abstain from being seen in a bathing suit. Then - in spite of the fact that they usually look worse than ever - they don't seem to care and they return to the pool because it's fun. With the exception of two ladies with weak excuses we all hit the water. The "boys" did what we are actually better at now than we were in our primes - cannon balls! The added weight and girth make for much more impressive splashes.
As we enjoyed the pool, the fireworks - in spite of the ban - swirled around us, but not to the usual level experienced in Greatwood. In a normal year the smoke is so thick by 10:00 that you can hardly see. This year there were only a few random wisps floating around. I meant to hit the after the holiday sale at the local fireworks stands on Sunday, but I forgot.
I need to tell everyone about my most recent junk food discovery - cherry limeade chillers at Sonic! These things are great, but according to the Sonic commercials they are "seasonal". I encourage everyone to go to Sonic and continually buy these things so they'll stay on the menu premanently. For the weight-conscious among you, you can get them with made with diet cherry limeade. I was actually motivated to try a chiller by those two goof-balls who do the Sonic commercials. This is quite rare, because I pride myself on never being swayed by marketing. My streak is over.
I sent my brother an email this morning asking about the availability of his new vacation house in Colorado. It's brand new and he and his wife have only been there once or twice themselves. I don't know what his policy on letting family use his place is, but I figured it couldn't hurt to ask about using it for a few days. It looks like there is no forecast end to the 100+ degree weather in Houston, so taking in a little cool air in Colorado would be a nice change. I haven't heard back yet. I'll keep you posted if we manage to get to Colorado.
Tomorrow: I actually have absolutely nothing planned.
Well there was one minor catastrophe that happened yesterday involving our desktop computer. It was completely taken over by some type of virus or trojan worm. When I say completely I mean to the point where it became useless. This morning I took it to our local computer guy to have it stripped of the invasive bad stuff. It's really amazing that there are people who are obviously very intelligent and very skilled who use their talents in such a worthless and destructive way. What a bunch of slugs.
Oh yeah, the big July 4th shindig at the home of Butch and Melanie. It was a lot of fun. There was - as usual for our group - about five times as much food on hand as could have possibly been eaten. Maybe that's why there are so few slim people among us. After pigging out on burgers, hot dogs, various types of chip and dips, etc. we brought out the homemade ice cream, which was available in two varieties - vanilla and peach. I don't know about the plain vanilla, but the peach was really, really good - both bowls.
After the food fest we all headed for the pool. It's my observation that we have now arrived on the other side of caring how we look. People are happy to participate in pool activities until their mid-30's. Then, they become self-conscious about how their bodies look (usually for good reason) until they reach around age 50 and abstain from being seen in a bathing suit. Then - in spite of the fact that they usually look worse than ever - they don't seem to care and they return to the pool because it's fun. With the exception of two ladies with weak excuses we all hit the water. The "boys" did what we are actually better at now than we were in our primes - cannon balls! The added weight and girth make for much more impressive splashes.
As we enjoyed the pool, the fireworks - in spite of the ban - swirled around us, but not to the usual level experienced in Greatwood. In a normal year the smoke is so thick by 10:00 that you can hardly see. This year there were only a few random wisps floating around. I meant to hit the after the holiday sale at the local fireworks stands on Sunday, but I forgot.
I need to tell everyone about my most recent junk food discovery - cherry limeade chillers at Sonic! These things are great, but according to the Sonic commercials they are "seasonal". I encourage everyone to go to Sonic and continually buy these things so they'll stay on the menu premanently. For the weight-conscious among you, you can get them with made with diet cherry limeade. I was actually motivated to try a chiller by those two goof-balls who do the Sonic commercials. This is quite rare, because I pride myself on never being swayed by marketing. My streak is over.
I sent my brother an email this morning asking about the availability of his new vacation house in Colorado. It's brand new and he and his wife have only been there once or twice themselves. I don't know what his policy on letting family use his place is, but I figured it couldn't hurt to ask about using it for a few days. It looks like there is no forecast end to the 100+ degree weather in Houston, so taking in a little cool air in Colorado would be a nice change. I haven't heard back yet. I'll keep you posted if we manage to get to Colorado.
Tomorrow: I actually have absolutely nothing planned.
Friday, July 3, 2009
We Don't Want No Out of Date Pills
Yesterday was Thursday, which means I spent most of the day down at the Second Mile Mission Center. I took my usual spot in the warehouse. My assignment this week was to "destroy" out of date medications that had been donated to the the Mission. Before I get into the fascinating details of how I destroyed the over the hill pills I need to make a request of all who may be reading this post. Please don't donate medication that has expired or is close to its expiration date to missions, food pantries, etc. Because of liability concerns - this is America - most of these groups have a policy against distributing expired medicines (although some will allow them to be used by missions outside the U.S.). When you donate past due drugs it seems like you're doing a good deed, but instead, it causes a huge hassle, because these drugs must be destroyed.
Second Mile's policy is that past due drugs can't just be tossed in the dumpster in the parking lot because history has shown that there are people who will take them during their evening dumpster dives. To avoid any liability the drugs are destroyed. In this case, "destroyed" really means made so nasty and unusable that nobody will want them. Given the task as master destroyer I came up with the following process. I didn't check with the FDA, EPA, NRA or the NBA for approval of my methods. Hopefully I didn't violate too many federal, state and local laws.
My process involved using the items at hand in the most efficient way possible. I noticed that there were several cases of out of date cough medicine. I took several bottles and poured them into a bucket. I then took box after box of old pills and dumped them in the bucket. When the bucket was about full I stirred things up until I had a slurry (which at times was actually bubbling) that if ingested would either kill you immediately, or if death did not occur, keep you from getting pregnant, relieve your worst headache, keep you from coughing ever again, make heartburn an impossibility for the next 75 years, or provide you with more vitamins than your body could ever process. I then stuffed a large trash bag about half full of old clothes and poured my concoction into to the bag and over the clothes, which absorbed the mixture and kept it from seeping from the bag. Then, and only then, did I throw the bag in the dumpster. I did this over and over for about five hours, but I had one of the giant fans blowing on me, so it wasn't so bad.
Having to perform this task took me away from doing anything that was actually productive. This is a task that must be assigned to a "responsible adult" such as myself. Imagine a middle school kid coming home from his youth group's day at the Mission and having the following conversation with his mom:
Mom - "Well Junior, what did you do today?"
Junior - "I handled multiple types of prescription medication without adult supervision. It was great fun!"
Mom - "Don't move while I call 911 and then our attorney."
Given that the 4th of July falls of a Saturday this year, today was the day that most people received as their Independence Day holiday. As was the case with Memorial Day, holidays just don't seem to have the same punch when you're not working. As a motivation tool I think I'm going to shoot for landing a job before Labor Day so that I can look forward to a three-day weekend. Certainly sleeping late on that one day will be better than sleeping late every day.
Regardless of who gets what day off work, tomorrow is the actual 4th of July. I'm anxious to see how well the ban on shooting off fireworks is observed by my fellow Greatwoodians. For those of you who don't know, Greatwood is not within the city limits of any municipality, so except in cases of extreme drought - such as now - fireworks are usually legal. Every July 4th and New Years Eve this place sounds like the first night of Desert Storm. I'm taking a wild guess that tomorrow night will be business as usual. I of course will not participat in any form of illegal pyrotechnic discharge. Too bad, I usually like to get those big rolls of 500 firecrackers that all blow up in about fifteen seconds. Hopefully it will rain once or twice before next July 4th and things will get back to normal.
Tomorrow: Big Independence Day get together at the home of our good friends Butch and Melanie. They have a great back yard, a great pool, and there will be a great number of hollow calories to be consumed.
Second Mile's policy is that past due drugs can't just be tossed in the dumpster in the parking lot because history has shown that there are people who will take them during their evening dumpster dives. To avoid any liability the drugs are destroyed. In this case, "destroyed" really means made so nasty and unusable that nobody will want them. Given the task as master destroyer I came up with the following process. I didn't check with the FDA, EPA, NRA or the NBA for approval of my methods. Hopefully I didn't violate too many federal, state and local laws.
My process involved using the items at hand in the most efficient way possible. I noticed that there were several cases of out of date cough medicine. I took several bottles and poured them into a bucket. I then took box after box of old pills and dumped them in the bucket. When the bucket was about full I stirred things up until I had a slurry (which at times was actually bubbling) that if ingested would either kill you immediately, or if death did not occur, keep you from getting pregnant, relieve your worst headache, keep you from coughing ever again, make heartburn an impossibility for the next 75 years, or provide you with more vitamins than your body could ever process. I then stuffed a large trash bag about half full of old clothes and poured my concoction into to the bag and over the clothes, which absorbed the mixture and kept it from seeping from the bag. Then, and only then, did I throw the bag in the dumpster. I did this over and over for about five hours, but I had one of the giant fans blowing on me, so it wasn't so bad.
Having to perform this task took me away from doing anything that was actually productive. This is a task that must be assigned to a "responsible adult" such as myself. Imagine a middle school kid coming home from his youth group's day at the Mission and having the following conversation with his mom:
Mom - "Well Junior, what did you do today?"
Junior - "I handled multiple types of prescription medication without adult supervision. It was great fun!"
Mom - "Don't move while I call 911 and then our attorney."
Given that the 4th of July falls of a Saturday this year, today was the day that most people received as their Independence Day holiday. As was the case with Memorial Day, holidays just don't seem to have the same punch when you're not working. As a motivation tool I think I'm going to shoot for landing a job before Labor Day so that I can look forward to a three-day weekend. Certainly sleeping late on that one day will be better than sleeping late every day.
Regardless of who gets what day off work, tomorrow is the actual 4th of July. I'm anxious to see how well the ban on shooting off fireworks is observed by my fellow Greatwoodians. For those of you who don't know, Greatwood is not within the city limits of any municipality, so except in cases of extreme drought - such as now - fireworks are usually legal. Every July 4th and New Years Eve this place sounds like the first night of Desert Storm. I'm taking a wild guess that tomorrow night will be business as usual. I of course will not participat in any form of illegal pyrotechnic discharge. Too bad, I usually like to get those big rolls of 500 firecrackers that all blow up in about fifteen seconds. Hopefully it will rain once or twice before next July 4th and things will get back to normal.
Tomorrow: Big Independence Day get together at the home of our good friends Butch and Melanie. They have a great back yard, a great pool, and there will be a great number of hollow calories to be consumed.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Somebody Throw Me a Life Line!
This is a special edition blog dedicated strictly to describing my audition for Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. For those who don't have either the time or the inclination to read all about my Millionaire experience I'll tell you right up front - I didn't make it past the first cut. For those who want to hear all of the exciting details, please read on.
4:18 - I get out of bed, get dressed, and transfer the peanut butter sandwich I made last night from the refrigerator to my backpack. This will be my lunch.
4:34 - I start my journey to the designated audition point, which according to Yahoo is 32.6 miles from home. As I drive though the early morning I am struck by the eerie feeling that this is very similar to my former morning commute - get up really early, drive through the dark, dodge others who got up really early and are driving through the dark.
5:15 - I arrive a the audition point. I notice that I have traveled exactly 32.6 miles. Is this a good omen?
5:17 - I take my place as the 252nd person in line and greet my fellow aspirants to fame and fortune. The people at the front of the line are sitting in lawn chairs. I notice an enormous man in a wheel chair with a box of Shipley's donuts on his lap. The box at one time held a dozen donuts. There are now only five. He looks happy. One lady has brought her dog with her.
5:25 - The line has continued to increase at a very rapid pace behind me. There are now at least as many people behind me as in front of me.
5:26 - 5:57 - I get to know those around me. "Steve" is a school teacher from Mesquite, Texas who has already succeeded at becoming something of a celebrity. He has appeared on Judge Judy (he lost) and has also been an extra in a Steve Martin movie that was partially filmed in Mesquite (he's the one in the red shirt). He also has a brother who tried out for the Denver Broncos as a kicker even though he had never played football in high school or college (he didn't make it). "Mike" has driven in from Monroe, Louisiana and he is very, very drunk. Observing his condition makes me realize that he's probably not the only one in the crowd who may have a drinking problem. From my vantage point I observe at least ten others who are drinking beer.
5:57 - The doors to the building are opened and we file in in an orderly manner, although Mike seems a little disoriented. We file past a large ballroom with several hundred chairs, into a much smaller room that is totally void of furniture.
6:00 - 6:42 - We are each given a Millionaire refrigerator magnet with our contestant number on it and a #2 pencil. We then mill around and make small talk. I am surprised by the number of people who seem to honestly believe that they have a good shot at winning a million dollars. I am also surprised at a physical characteristic that at least least 50% of the people in the crowd share. They are - how do I say this politely - very large people. I understand that the words "Doug Freede" and "svelte" have never been used in the same sentence, but it's unbelievable how many of these people make me look like a light weight. There is a festival atmosphere. Lines form for the bathrooms. A few people buy those little Hostess powdered sugar donuts from the makeshift snack stand at the back of the room.
6:42 - About 500 of us are ushered into the aforementioned large ballroom. We are given an envelope that contains our test and our Scan tron answer sheet. We are seated and await further instructions. The excitement is building!
6:50 - A guy dressed in all-black with long grey hair bursts on the stage with a microphone and excitedly shouts "Who wants to be a millionaire!!!!" Unfortunately the mic doesn't work, which more or less ruins the moment. I am immediately reminded of Presentation 101 which suggests making sure your equipment works before you start a meeting with 500 people.
6:58 - After feverish attention from the audio technicians the grey-haired guy again jumps on the stage and again shouts "Who wants to be a millionaire!!" This time the mic in on but for whatever reason it is so garbled that nobody can understand what he says. He sounds a lot like the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoons. The audio techs go back to the drawing board as the crowd grows restive.
7:10 - Grey-haired guy returns and says "Let's give this one last try. Who want to be a millionaire!" This time everyone hears him and goes crazy. I do my best to save my energy for potential future outbursts of excitement.
7:15 - A young looking girl who works for ABC takes the stage to give instructions for the actual test taking. The test is 30 questions and must be completed in ten minutes. Put away all cell phones. No cheating. Please don't try to steal the tests, which will be collected before anyone gets to leave. Pencils at the ready . . . Go!
7:18 - 7:28 - I have no trouble with the questions asking about the year the Titanic sank or the continents that are traversed by the equator, but answers to questions such as "What rapper got in trouble in 2005 for saying 'the president don't like black people" and "What actress never played Joan of Arc" do not come as easily. I estimate that I am only sure of about ten of my answers and have absolutely no idea about another ten. In the middle are the ten I can at least make an educated guess at.
7:28 - 7:38 - Tests are collected and a revelation is revealed. We will also be taking a second test, this one on movie trivia. Those passing this test will be eligible to compete in a special "themed" Millionaire sponsored by NetFlix.
7:40 - 7:50 - I take the movie trivia test and am surprised that I actually know more answers on this test than the regular test. Go figure.
7:55 - 8:10 - We kill time for fifteen minutes while the Scan trons are graded. Contestants who think they look like someone famous are invited to stand up and say who they think they look like. Those chosen receive a Millionaire tee-shirt. I half-heartedly raise my hand in the vain hope that I will be able to stand up and say I look like George Castanza. I am not selected - a harbinger of things to come.
4:18 - I get out of bed, get dressed, and transfer the peanut butter sandwich I made last night from the refrigerator to my backpack. This will be my lunch.
4:34 - I start my journey to the designated audition point, which according to Yahoo is 32.6 miles from home. As I drive though the early morning I am struck by the eerie feeling that this is very similar to my former morning commute - get up really early, drive through the dark, dodge others who got up really early and are driving through the dark.
5:15 - I arrive a the audition point. I notice that I have traveled exactly 32.6 miles. Is this a good omen?
5:17 - I take my place as the 252nd person in line and greet my fellow aspirants to fame and fortune. The people at the front of the line are sitting in lawn chairs. I notice an enormous man in a wheel chair with a box of Shipley's donuts on his lap. The box at one time held a dozen donuts. There are now only five. He looks happy. One lady has brought her dog with her.
5:25 - The line has continued to increase at a very rapid pace behind me. There are now at least as many people behind me as in front of me.
5:26 - 5:57 - I get to know those around me. "Steve" is a school teacher from Mesquite, Texas who has already succeeded at becoming something of a celebrity. He has appeared on Judge Judy (he lost) and has also been an extra in a Steve Martin movie that was partially filmed in Mesquite (he's the one in the red shirt). He also has a brother who tried out for the Denver Broncos as a kicker even though he had never played football in high school or college (he didn't make it). "Mike" has driven in from Monroe, Louisiana and he is very, very drunk. Observing his condition makes me realize that he's probably not the only one in the crowd who may have a drinking problem. From my vantage point I observe at least ten others who are drinking beer.
5:57 - The doors to the building are opened and we file in in an orderly manner, although Mike seems a little disoriented. We file past a large ballroom with several hundred chairs, into a much smaller room that is totally void of furniture.
6:00 - 6:42 - We are each given a Millionaire refrigerator magnet with our contestant number on it and a #2 pencil. We then mill around and make small talk. I am surprised by the number of people who seem to honestly believe that they have a good shot at winning a million dollars. I am also surprised at a physical characteristic that at least least 50% of the people in the crowd share. They are - how do I say this politely - very large people. I understand that the words "Doug Freede" and "svelte" have never been used in the same sentence, but it's unbelievable how many of these people make me look like a light weight. There is a festival atmosphere. Lines form for the bathrooms. A few people buy those little Hostess powdered sugar donuts from the makeshift snack stand at the back of the room.
6:42 - About 500 of us are ushered into the aforementioned large ballroom. We are given an envelope that contains our test and our Scan tron answer sheet. We are seated and await further instructions. The excitement is building!
6:50 - A guy dressed in all-black with long grey hair bursts on the stage with a microphone and excitedly shouts "Who wants to be a millionaire!!!!" Unfortunately the mic doesn't work, which more or less ruins the moment. I am immediately reminded of Presentation 101 which suggests making sure your equipment works before you start a meeting with 500 people.
6:58 - After feverish attention from the audio technicians the grey-haired guy again jumps on the stage and again shouts "Who wants to be a millionaire!!" This time the mic in on but for whatever reason it is so garbled that nobody can understand what he says. He sounds a lot like the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoons. The audio techs go back to the drawing board as the crowd grows restive.
7:10 - Grey-haired guy returns and says "Let's give this one last try. Who want to be a millionaire!" This time everyone hears him and goes crazy. I do my best to save my energy for potential future outbursts of excitement.
7:15 - A young looking girl who works for ABC takes the stage to give instructions for the actual test taking. The test is 30 questions and must be completed in ten minutes. Put away all cell phones. No cheating. Please don't try to steal the tests, which will be collected before anyone gets to leave. Pencils at the ready . . . Go!
7:18 - 7:28 - I have no trouble with the questions asking about the year the Titanic sank or the continents that are traversed by the equator, but answers to questions such as "What rapper got in trouble in 2005 for saying 'the president don't like black people" and "What actress never played Joan of Arc" do not come as easily. I estimate that I am only sure of about ten of my answers and have absolutely no idea about another ten. In the middle are the ten I can at least make an educated guess at.
7:28 - 7:38 - Tests are collected and a revelation is revealed. We will also be taking a second test, this one on movie trivia. Those passing this test will be eligible to compete in a special "themed" Millionaire sponsored by NetFlix.
7:40 - 7:50 - I take the movie trivia test and am surprised that I actually know more answers on this test than the regular test. Go figure.
7:55 - 8:10 - We kill time for fifteen minutes while the Scan trons are graded. Contestants who think they look like someone famous are invited to stand up and say who they think they look like. Those chosen receive a Millionaire tee-shirt. I half-heartedly raise my hand in the vain hope that I will be able to stand up and say I look like George Castanza. I am not selected - a harbinger of things to come.
8:10 - 8:15 - The contestant numbers of those who passed either or both tests are read aloud to the anxious crowd. Of the approximately 500 people in the room only about 40 pass the regular test and only about 10 pass the movie trivia test. What constitutes a "passing" score is never revealed, although the question is raised. I smell a conspiracy. Those who passed are asked to remain in their seats. The rest of us are politely asked to leave as soon as possible. Those who passed will be asked to fill out some paperwork and then return at noon to receive the time for their personal interview, which will be scheduled between 12:30 and 8:00 this afternoon/evening. I'm not disappointed that I won't get to hang around for twelve more hours.
8:20 - I am in my car, but in no hurry to leave. The parking lot is total chaos. The festival atmosphere is nowhere to be found. In it's place are 500 disappointed people who got up at 4:00 AM and are no longer potential millionaires. The thrill is gone.
8:21 - I call Vicki to confess my failure and beg forgiveness for tarnishing the family name. She takes it pretty well.
8:23 - I can't bear to tell Kayla the bad news, so I text her that her cut of the $1,000,000 will not be coming as planned. I sign the text "Your loser father".
8:24 - I pull the peanut butter sandwich from my backpack. What was to be lunch has become breakfast.
8:32 - The parking lot has almost cleared so I start my journey home. I notice that in addition to a few hundred people still standing in line outside the building there are also people still pulling into the parking lot. None of them look like millionaires.
8:34 - I enter the North Freeway from Tidwell Drive.
8:34:01 - I come to a dead stop on the freeway. It dawns on me that I am actually traveling inbound on a Houston freeway at rush hour. What was I thinking! Another eerie feeling . . .
8:34:01 - 8:53 - I creep along until I can finally exit onto the westbound Katy Freeway, which being outbound, is wide open. I do notice, however, that in spite of having been recently expanded to 37 lanes in each direction, the inbound Katy is still bumper-to-bumper.
9:42 - I get home.
9:42:01 - I lay down on the couch.
9:42:02 - I am asleep. I dream . . . nothing ventured, nothing gained. I am at peace.
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