New License Plates!

Today was a big day for me. I picked up my new license plates! I mentioned in excruciating detail in a previous post that I get personalized plates every so often, usually to mark some type of event in the life of myself or our family. This year's plate is "LESS*ME". There is some significance behind these words.

I was a Camp Kadesh group leader earlier this summer at Abilene Christian University. This is a camp for high school kids. It's advertised as a "leadership camp", and it's a fairly intense experience that forces the campers and the staff to examine their relationships with Jesus Christ. One of the things we did this year was to put together our "cardboard testimonies." Many of the kids had some pretty dramatic - and sometimes tragic - circumstances on their testimonies. Mine wasn't particularly dramatic or tragic, but just a little sobering. I realized that over the last few years I have spent most of my time concentrating on things that are about me - my job, my family, my house. my vacations, my . . . It occurred to me that I have spent very little time thinking and studying about eternal things, most specifically my relationship with Jesus Christ. So, as you can see below, the "recognition" side of my cardboard was "Less Me" and the "commitment" side was "More Him". I'm hoping that my license plate will be an every day reminder to spend less time thinking about me and more time thinking about Him. In the near future the state of Texas will start using seven digits on their license plates. Next year I think I'll apply for "MORE*HIM".

Another Hot Day

Today I took care of a little task I have been wanting to do since we moved into this house three years ago. The stone border around the flower/tree bed in the front corner of our yard has always been a little out of whack. The stones were uneven and some of them were sinking into the ground. So this morning I got an early start while the temperature was still in the mid-80's and took all of the stones apart and started over. The job took about two hours and I sweat about three gallons, but the finished product looks pretty good. Below are some "before" and "after" pictures.

Before . . .

After

After I finished my stone mason work I made a circuit around the front and back yards and pulled weeds from the flower beds. We had some friends over for dinner (see below) and I didn't want the yard to look like an abandoned house, so I cleaned up the beds a little. Not that it really mattered because nobody went outside anyway. Weeds are truly amazing things. Even though every thing else is dying and turning brown, I harvested an entire trash can full of healthy green weeds of all types. If people in third world countries could live on weeds there would be no world hunger.

We had Butch and Melanie and Randy and Terrell over for dinner. Kayla and Lance also hung around, so there were eight of us. Vicki made "Sunday dinner" which consisted of roast, mashed potatoes, corn and green beans. Yum! For dessert we had an assortment of ice cream flavors and an equal assortment of toppings. This was some world-class comfort food of the highest order, and we all enjoyed it.

After dinner we had a Wii bowling tournament. The competition was fierce in the first round, but in the finals Lance bowled at 234 and he and Kayla easily won over Randy and Terrell. It was sooo exciting! We're seriously considering putting a video of Vicki's bowling form on U-Tube. It would get at least ten million hits once the word got out.

This morning I talked to one of the multitude of recruiters who are (theoretically) trying to find me a job. It seems that there is a real chance that I may hear tomorrow that I have an interview. If I do get the interview I hope I'm the first of at least ten people they interview and that it takes at least a month for them to make the decision to hire me. That would be perfect.

Tomorrow: The air-conditioning guys will try again - for the third time - to show up for their appointment to do our "spring" A/C check-up. It sure is warm for spring. In the afternoon I'll be doing some minor repair work for a lady at church who is putting her house on the market. It's so nice to feel wanted!

Today is Saturday, Which Means Yesterday Was Friday

Greetings on another sunny and excruciatingly hot Saturday! The weatherman says we might get a few stray thundershowers today, but so far it's not looking too promising on that front.

Bethany made a surprise trip home yesterday. It seems that she had planned to be in San Antonio this weekend to attend the double baby showers of some college friends. However, she got the dates mixed up - the showers aren't until next weekend. Unfortunately, in her anticipated absence Cody had arranged for seven of his closest friends (including Lance) to come by for a boys' weekend. Faced with the options of 1) uninviting the boys, or 2) spending the weekend with them in her two-bedroom apartment, Bethany elected option 3) to make a quick visit to see the fam in Greatwood.

This morning we did what we usually do when everyone's in town on a Saturday morning - we went to Bob's Taco Station for breakfast. I had my usual - two bacon/egg/potato tacos. If you've never been to Bob's you should definitely go sometime. The tacos are pretty good, but my favorite thing about the place is the collection of miscellaneous signs and pictures that are all over the walls. My favorite sign is the one that says "I'm not loafing, I just work so fast that I'm always done." Try that one on your boss sometime. Other notable signs and sayings include:

"Attention Teenagers - Leave home and go out on your own now while you still know everything!"
"Menudo, it takes guts to make it and guts to eat it!"
"We don't repeat gossip - so listen closely the first time."

Yesterday was my most active day yet in my quest for a new job. I didn't have any actual interviews - which I'm sure are lining up just around the corner - but I did have face-to-face meetings with two recruiting firms. At the first meeting I had to wait about twenty minutes, so I got to look at a coffee table book that had all of the covers of Rolling Stone Magazine. That was fun. When the recruiter finally showed up I asked her if she minded being called a "head hunter"? Turns out she did mind. Oops! The second meeting was over lunch at Willie G's by the Galleria. The recruiter picked up the check, which I thought was nice. Neither of these people had any specific opportunities for me, but it was fun to put on long pants and get out of the house.

We got our computer back yesterday from it's stay in the anti-virus unit of our local PC fix it place. I just reconnected everything so I could write this blog post. I love crawling around on the floor in the dust bunnies, contorting my over-sized body into odd positions to reconnect all of the wires, cables, plugs, etc. It took me almost an hour to get everything back together and in the correct spot. I think once we're done with Al Qaida we should turn the full attention and resources of all branches of the U.S. military to locating and eliminating those responsible for computer viruses, worms, trojans, phishes, and whatever else they to.

Tomorrow: We get to go to church and worship God. I'm looking forward to it!

Bargains Abound at Second Mile Mission

When I reported to the warehouse at Second Mile Mission this morning for my usual Thursday gig I was informed that I had been promoted - from Warehouseman III to Photographer. It seems that on occasion people donote things to the mission that are not the kind of things that the average person is looking for when they visit. I was shown to a room that included, among other things, the following items -

Motor cycle boots
Leather motor cycle jacket
Skis and ski boots
Snorkling equipment
Wet suits
35mm cameras
Video cameras
Antique radio/phonograph
Crystal wine glasses
Telescope
Complete drum set

In addition, in the warehouse are pallets of the following items -

Polycarbonate water bottles, of which there are probably at least 5,000. They were donated as hurricane relief after Ike, and they're all still there.

Battery operated dish scrubbers, which were also donated following Hurricane Ike. I guess the theory was that people who typically use electric dish scrubbers would need battery operated ones if their electricity went out due to the hurricane? Regardless of the reason for them being there, there are about 2,000 of these.

My task, as official Second Mile photographer, was to take pictures of all of these random and potentially valuable items, write up some catchy promotional words, and place them on E-bay. Hopefully we'll generate some cash from the sale of this stuff that can be used to buy groceries and other things that needy people actually need. If you're in the market for a battery powered dish scrubber I'm the man to see. I can throw in a few hundred plastic bottles if you need them. Tell your friends.

The job hunt seems to be picking up. I have been in contact with several headhunters this week and there may actually be some jobs out there for people with my qualifications and experience. I may have a real job interview in the next couple of days, which is a sobering thought. I mean, I want to find a job and all, but I don't really think that I'm emotionally ready yet to make another long-term employment commitment. My last break-up was hard on me. And hey, it's only been three months. That's not really much of a vacation. If I go back to work who will assume the critical photography responsibilities at Second Mile? Who make the bed every other day? Who will sleep until 8:00 every other morning? Who will stay up late and watch old movies and Seinfeld reruns?

My front yard is now almost completely dead (although for some reason my back yard is still hanging in there). This in spite of the fact that I now water every day, and - get this - it actual rained for about twenty minutes the other day. First time since April 27th. Vicki and I sat out on the back porch and watched it. In hindsight it was odd how excited we were about it. We had drinks and snacks as we watched. Who says we don't have extremely exciting lives!

Speaking of exciting, I think I'll sign off and watch the Astros game. They're only one game under .500 and poised I'm sure for another of their late season charges. I can dream. If only they could play the Pirates every night.

Not Much Goin' On

Haven't really been up to much for the last couple of days, but I'll think of something.

Well there was one minor catastrophe that happened yesterday involving our desktop computer. It was completely taken over by some type of virus or trojan worm. When I say completely I mean to the point where it became useless. This morning I took it to our local computer guy to have it stripped of the invasive bad stuff. It's really amazing that there are people who are obviously very intelligent and very skilled who use their talents in such a worthless and destructive way. What a bunch of slugs.

Oh yeah, the big July 4th shindig at the home of Butch and Melanie. It was a lot of fun. There was - as usual for our group - about five times as much food on hand as could have possibly been eaten. Maybe that's why there are so few slim people among us. After pigging out on burgers, hot dogs, various types of chip and dips, etc. we brought out the homemade ice cream, which was available in two varieties - vanilla and peach. I don't know about the plain vanilla, but the peach was really, really good - both bowls.

After the food fest we all headed for the pool. It's my observation that we have now arrived on the other side of caring how we look. People are happy to participate in pool activities until their mid-30's. Then, they become self-conscious about how their bodies look (usually for good reason) until they reach around age 50 and abstain from being seen in a bathing suit. Then - in spite of the fact that they usually look worse than ever - they don't seem to care and they return to the pool because it's fun. With the exception of two ladies with weak excuses we all hit the water. The "boys" did what we are actually better at now than we were in our primes - cannon balls! The added weight and girth make for much more impressive splashes.

As we enjoyed the pool, the fireworks - in spite of the ban - swirled around us, but not to the usual level experienced in Greatwood. In a normal year the smoke is so thick by 10:00 that you can hardly see. This year there were only a few random wisps floating around. I meant to hit the after the holiday sale at the local fireworks stands on Sunday, but I forgot.

I need to tell everyone about my most recent junk food discovery - cherry limeade chillers at Sonic! These things are great, but according to the Sonic commercials they are "seasonal". I encourage everyone to go to Sonic and continually buy these things so they'll stay on the menu premanently. For the weight-conscious among you, you can get them with made with diet cherry limeade. I was actually motivated to try a chiller by those two goof-balls who do the Sonic commercials. This is quite rare, because I pride myself on never being swayed by marketing. My streak is over.

I sent my brother an email this morning asking about the availability of his new vacation house in Colorado. It's brand new and he and his wife have only been there once or twice themselves. I don't know what his policy on letting family use his place is, but I figured it couldn't hurt to ask about using it for a few days. It looks like there is no forecast end to the 100+ degree weather in Houston, so taking in a little cool air in Colorado would be a nice change. I haven't heard back yet. I'll keep you posted if we manage to get to Colorado.

Tomorrow: I actually have absolutely nothing planned.

We Don't Want No Out of Date Pills

Yesterday was Thursday, which means I spent most of the day down at the Second Mile Mission Center. I took my usual spot in the warehouse. My assignment this week was to "destroy" out of date medications that had been donated to the the Mission. Before I get into the fascinating details of how I destroyed the over the hill pills I need to make a request of all who may be reading this post. Please don't donate medication that has expired or is close to its expiration date to missions, food pantries, etc. Because of liability concerns - this is America - most of these groups have a policy against distributing expired medicines (although some will allow them to be used by missions outside the U.S.). When you donate past due drugs it seems like you're doing a good deed, but instead, it causes a huge hassle, because these drugs must be destroyed.

Second Mile's policy is that past due drugs can't just be tossed in the dumpster in the parking lot because history has shown that there are people who will take them during their evening dumpster dives. To avoid any liability the drugs are destroyed. In this case, "destroyed" really means made so nasty and unusable that nobody will want them. Given the task as master destroyer I came up with the following process. I didn't check with the FDA, EPA, NRA or the NBA for approval of my methods. Hopefully I didn't violate too many federal, state and local laws.

My process involved using the items at hand in the most efficient way possible. I noticed that there were several cases of out of date cough medicine. I took several bottles and poured them into a bucket. I then took box after box of old pills and dumped them in the bucket. When the bucket was about full I stirred things up until I had a slurry (which at times was actually bubbling) that if ingested would either kill you immediately, or if death did not occur, keep you from getting pregnant, relieve your worst headache, keep you from coughing ever again, make heartburn an impossibility for the next 75 years, or provide you with more vitamins than your body could ever process. I then stuffed a large trash bag about half full of old clothes and poured my concoction into to the bag and over the clothes, which absorbed the mixture and kept it from seeping from the bag. Then, and only then, did I throw the bag in the dumpster. I did this over and over for about five hours, but I had one of the giant fans blowing on me, so it wasn't so bad.

Having to perform this task took me away from doing anything that was actually productive. This is a task that must be assigned to a "responsible adult" such as myself. Imagine a middle school kid coming home from his youth group's day at the Mission and having the following conversation with his mom:

Mom - "Well Junior, what did you do today?"
Junior - "I handled multiple types of prescription medication without adult supervision. It was great fun!"
Mom - "Don't move while I call 911 and then our attorney."

Given that the 4th of July falls of a Saturday this year, today was the day that most people received as their Independence Day holiday. As was the case with Memorial Day, holidays just don't seem to have the same punch when you're not working. As a motivation tool I think I'm going to shoot for landing a job before Labor Day so that I can look forward to a three-day weekend. Certainly sleeping late on that one day will be better than sleeping late every day.

Regardless of who gets what day off work, tomorrow is the actual 4th of July. I'm anxious to see how well the ban on shooting off fireworks is observed by my fellow Greatwoodians. For those of you who don't know, Greatwood is not within the city limits of any municipality, so except in cases of extreme drought - such as now - fireworks are usually legal. Every July 4th and New Years Eve this place sounds like the first night of Desert Storm. I'm taking a wild guess that tomorrow night will be business as usual. I of course will not participat in any form of illegal pyrotechnic discharge. Too bad, I usually like to get those big rolls of 500 firecrackers that all blow up in about fifteen seconds. Hopefully it will rain once or twice before next July 4th and things will get back to normal.

Tomorrow: Big Independence Day get together at the home of our good friends Butch and Melanie. They have a great back yard, a great pool, and there will be a great number of hollow calories to be consumed.

Somebody Throw Me a Life Line!

This is a special edition blog dedicated strictly to describing my audition for Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. For those who don't have either the time or the inclination to read all about my Millionaire experience I'll tell you right up front - I didn't make it past the first cut. For those who want to hear all of the exciting details, please read on.

4:18 - I get out of bed, get dressed, and transfer the peanut butter sandwich I made last night from the refrigerator to my backpack. This will be my lunch.

4:34 - I start my journey to the designated audition point, which according to Yahoo is 32.6 miles from home. As I drive though the early morning I am struck by the eerie feeling that this is very similar to my former morning commute - get up really early, drive through the dark, dodge others who got up really early and are driving through the dark.

5:15 - I arrive a the audition point. I notice that I have traveled exactly 32.6 miles. Is this a good omen?

5:17 - I take my place as the 252nd person in line and greet my fellow aspirants to fame and fortune. The people at the front of the line are sitting in lawn chairs. I notice an enormous man in a wheel chair with a box of Shipley's donuts on his lap. The box at one time held a dozen donuts. There are now only five. He looks happy. One lady has brought her dog with her.

5:25 - The line has continued to increase at a very rapid pace behind me. There are now at least as many people behind me as in front of me.

5:26 - 5:57 - I get to know those around me. "Steve" is a school teacher from Mesquite, Texas who has already succeeded at becoming something of a celebrity. He has appeared on Judge Judy (he lost) and has also been an extra in a Steve Martin movie that was partially filmed in Mesquite (he's the one in the red shirt). He also has a brother who tried out for the Denver Broncos as a kicker even though he had never played football in high school or college (he didn't make it). "Mike" has driven in from Monroe, Louisiana and he is very, very drunk. Observing his condition makes me realize that he's probably not the only one in the crowd who may have a drinking problem. From my vantage point I observe at least ten others who are drinking beer.

5:57 - The doors to the building are opened and we file in in an orderly manner, although Mike seems a little disoriented. We file past a large ballroom with several hundred chairs, into a much smaller room that is totally void of furniture.

6:00 - 6:42 - We are each given a Millionaire refrigerator magnet with our contestant number on it and a #2 pencil. We then mill around and make small talk. I am surprised by the number of people who seem to honestly believe that they have a good shot at winning a million dollars. I am also surprised at a physical characteristic that at least least 50% of the people in the crowd share. They are - how do I say this politely - very large people. I understand that the words "Doug Freede" and "svelte" have never been used in the same sentence, but it's unbelievable how many of these people make me look like a light weight. There is a festival atmosphere. Lines form for the bathrooms. A few people buy those little Hostess powdered sugar donuts from the makeshift snack stand at the back of the room.

6:42 - About 500 of us are ushered into the aforementioned large ballroom. We are given an envelope that contains our test and our Scan tron answer sheet. We are seated and await further instructions. The excitement is building!



6:50 - A guy dressed in all-black with long grey hair bursts on the stage with a microphone and excitedly shouts "Who wants to be a millionaire!!!!" Unfortunately the mic doesn't work, which more or less ruins the moment. I am immediately reminded of Presentation 101 which suggests making sure your equipment works before you start a meeting with 500 people.

6:58 - After feverish attention from the audio technicians the grey-haired guy again jumps on the stage and again shouts "Who wants to be a millionaire!!" This time the mic in on but for whatever reason it is so garbled that nobody can understand what he says. He sounds a lot like the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoons. The audio techs go back to the drawing board as the crowd grows restive.

7:10 - Grey-haired guy returns and says "Let's give this one last try. Who want to be a millionaire!" This time everyone hears him and goes crazy. I do my best to save my energy for potential future outbursts of excitement.

7:15 - A young looking girl who works for ABC takes the stage to give instructions for the actual test taking. The test is 30 questions and must be completed in ten minutes. Put away all cell phones. No cheating. Please don't try to steal the tests, which will be collected before anyone gets to leave. Pencils at the ready . . . Go!

7:18 - 7:28 - I have no trouble with the questions asking about the year the Titanic sank or the continents that are traversed by the equator, but answers to questions such as "What rapper got in trouble in 2005 for saying 'the president don't like black people" and "What actress never played Joan of Arc" do not come as easily. I estimate that I am only sure of about ten of my answers and have absolutely no idea about another ten. In the middle are the ten I can at least make an educated guess at.

7:28 - 7:38 - Tests are collected and a revelation is revealed. We will also be taking a second test, this one on movie trivia. Those passing this test will be eligible to compete in a special "themed" Millionaire sponsored by NetFlix.

7:40 - 7:50 - I take the movie trivia test and am surprised that I actually know more answers on this test than the regular test. Go figure.

7:55 - 8:10 - We kill time for fifteen minutes while the Scan trons are graded. Contestants who think they look like someone famous are invited to stand up and say who they think they look like. Those chosen receive a Millionaire tee-shirt. I half-heartedly raise my hand in the vain hope that I will be able to stand up and say I look like George Castanza. I am not selected - a harbinger of things to come.

8:10 - 8:15 - The contestant numbers of those who passed either or both tests are read aloud to the anxious crowd. Of the approximately 500 people in the room only about 40 pass the regular test and only about 10 pass the movie trivia test. What constitutes a "passing" score is never revealed, although the question is raised. I smell a conspiracy. Those who passed are asked to remain in their seats. The rest of us are politely asked to leave as soon as possible. Those who passed will be asked to fill out some paperwork and then return at noon to receive the time for their personal interview, which will be scheduled between 12:30 and 8:00 this afternoon/evening. I'm not disappointed that I won't get to hang around for twelve more hours.

8:20 - I am in my car, but in no hurry to leave. The parking lot is total chaos. The festival atmosphere is nowhere to be found. In it's place are 500 disappointed people who got up at 4:00 AM and are no longer potential millionaires. The thrill is gone.

8:21 - I call Vicki to confess my failure and beg forgiveness for tarnishing the family name. She takes it pretty well.

8:23 - I can't bear to tell Kayla the bad news, so I text her that her cut of the $1,000,000 will not be coming as planned. I sign the text "Your loser father".

8:24 - I pull the peanut butter sandwich from my backpack. What was to be lunch has become breakfast.

8:32 - The parking lot has almost cleared so I start my journey home. I notice that in addition to a few hundred people still standing in line outside the building there are also people still pulling into the parking lot. None of them look like millionaires.

8:34 - I enter the North Freeway from Tidwell Drive.

8:34:01 - I come to a dead stop on the freeway. It dawns on me that I am actually traveling inbound on a Houston freeway at rush hour. What was I thinking! Another eerie feeling . . .

8:34:01 - 8:53 - I creep along until I can finally exit onto the westbound Katy Freeway, which being outbound, is wide open. I do notice, however, that in spite of having been recently expanded to 37 lanes in each direction, the inbound Katy is still bumper-to-bumper.

9:42 - I get home.

9:42:01 - I lay down on the couch.

9:42:02 - I am asleep. I dream . . . nothing ventured, nothing gained. I am at peace.