Today I had an amusing experience with the Post Office. While it was occurring I was thinking "I can't wait to blog about this." Now, I don't want to trash the Post Office, because I think they do a great job. I mean, think about it - for 44 cents (or whatever a first class stamp costs now) you can walk out your front door, put a letter in a box, someone comes to the box, picks up your letter, and it gets delivered anywhere in the United States. The Post Office is really great. However, at times, their customer service does leave a little to be desired.
Yesterday Kayla called and said she needed a copy of her marriage license in order to get a new passport in her married name. She asked if I'd go to the Fort Bend County courthouse and get a certified copy. Being the wonderful father that I am (and having lots of spare time on my hands) I of course agreed to help her out. By the way, did you know that marriage licenses are public documents and you can get a copy of anyone's license if you know the last name of the bride and the groom? You don't even have to know the exact date of the wedding or their first names. Also, did you know that the Fort Bend County courthouse is open until 5:00 on Monday but only until 4:00 on other days? I didn't know that either. I walked into the lobby at 3:59 and asked the receptionist if she could direct me to the County Clerk's office. She said it was down the hall, through the double doors, but that I'd better hurry because they closed in less than a minute. I ran down the hall and was pleasantly surprised to find that although nobody seemed glad to see me 15 seconds before quitting time everyone was very helpful and I had Kayla's marriage license in less than five minutes.
As I was driving home with the license I thought that it would be nice if Kayla received it as soon as possible, so I decided that next day delivery would be a good idea. As luck would have it I was just about to drive by a satellite Post Office substation that is located in a Shell convenience store near Greatwood. I whipped into the parking lot, hoping they didn't close at 4:00. I made my way to the back of the store, where there is a counter that says "United States Postal Service" with the Post Office logo and everything. A very nice man - with an accent I will never figure out - helped me. I told him I wanted next day delivery and asked him how much it would cost. He told me it would depend on the weight, which I figured couldn't be much because I was mailing one piece of legal size paper. But, he said, it had to be mailed in one of the specially designed Post Office next day delivery envelopes, which is an 8.5 x 11 cardboard thing. He put my document into the mailer, weighed it, and announced "Two ounces . . . that will be $17.50" which seemed a little steep but I said okay. As I started to fill out the address form he told me he would be in the back and to give him a shout when I was finished. After he disappeared into the back I took an empty next day mailer and weighed it on the scale on the counter. It weight 1.7 ounces, which means that the majority of the $17.50 I was paying for next day delivery was going to cover the cost of the Post Office mandated mailer. If I would have sent an empty mailer it would have cost almost the same amount. Regardless, I finished filling out the paperwork and called for the nice man to come back. He took my completed information and said "This looks good. It will be delivered before 2:00 p.m. on Friday." I quickly did some mental math and determined that Friday is two days after Wednesday and that one day after Wednesday would be really be Thursday. I asked the nice man why paying $17.50 for next day delivery wouldn't actually get by parcel delivered the next day? His answer was that this was a satellite substation and the run to the main Post Office had already been made. As a result, my parcel wouldn't go to the main Post Office until tomorrow, and from there it would be "guaranteed" for next day delivery. When I asked why he didn't mention this before he took my $17.50 he just sort of stared at me. But, he then offered a very helpful suggestion. If I wanted to take the parcel myself to the main Post Office in Richmond and drop it off then it would be delivered the next day. Because I had nothing else to do I decided that would be a good way to salvage my $17.50. So, I jumped back in by car and headed back to Richmond.
As I walked into the main Post Office I noticed a line of four or five people waiting in line at the counter. I also noticed a slightly rotund man with a postal service name tag who was standing at the end of the line, eyeing me suspiciously. As I made my first step toward the line he came running toward me, waving his arms and saying in a slightly aggitated manner "Counter service is closed . . . counter service is closed!" I asked him what time they closed and he said 5:00. I looked at my watch, which said 4:53, and then commented that it wasn't 5:00. His response - slightly louder this time was - "Well, we close at 5:00!" My response was "But it's not 5:00." His response was to stare at me. It was obvious that he didn't realize who he was dealing with - an unemployed guy with nothing better to do than to just stand there with a bemused smile, that was probably mistaken by him to indicate that I had some type of mild psychological disorder. Finally he decided to take charge of the situation and said "What do you want?" The following conversation ensued -
ME: [handing him the next day delivery parcel] I just need to drop this off.
HIM: [holding it by the corners and looking at it as if it were some type of toxic waste] What's this?
ME: It's a next day delivery envelope.
HIM: I know what it is, but why are you giving it to me?
ME: Because I want you guys to deliver it.
HIM: Where did this come from?
ME: I got it from your substation in Greatwood at the Shell convenience store, but they said I missed the last pick up of the day and that I needed to personally deliver it here in order to guarantee the next day delivery for which I paid $17.50.
HIM: We have nothing to do with those people?
ME: What?
HIM: We have nothing to do with those people. We just contract with them to so some of our work and make things more convenient for our customers so that they won't have to come to here for everything.
ME: But you have nothing to do with them?
HIM: No.
ME: So what are you tellling me, that they're selling countefeit postage down at the Shell station?
HIM: No, I'm telling you that we can't guarantee next day delivery based on their work.
ME: But sir, I have hand delivered my parcel to you - seven minutes before the closing time you have posted on your door - so why can't you guarantee next day delivery?
HIM: Because we have nothing to do with those people. I'll take your letter and see what I can do, but we can't guarantee those people's work.
ME: [still smiling in an annoying manner] Thank you very much.
I walked out of the Post Office thinking three things -
1) My next day letter is probably about to be sent to Point Barrow, Alaska instead of Lubbock, Texas;
2) I'm going to call the Postmaster General of the United States and tell him that to save on labor costs he can stop paying his people (at least the ones in Richmond, Texas) for the last seven minutes of each day; and
3) Until now this was a slow day. Now I have something to blog about!
I can't wait to track my letter later today to see if it was delivered on time. If it's not I'm looking forward to what I'm sure will be a smooth process of getting my money back from those people.
One more item of business. President Obama has finally done something that I agree with. He called Kanye West a "jackass".
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